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When
things are quiet and I’m left to my own contemplative devices, I think
a lot about life and the events and circumstances I’ve gone through
which have made me who I am today. I think about how all of us are
made up of unique experiences, exposures and ideas whether good, bad,
wrong or right. I think about the shy parts of me, the sensitivities I
possess and the strengths I have been able to develop. I think about
the fears and misgivings within me and trace them back in an effort to
somehow uncover what seeds in my life might have caused them to take
root. I consider the conditions which were ripe enough to allow them
room to grow. I also think about what I have been able to overcome as
well as those things I have yet to conquer. I’m certainly not perfect
- very far from it in fact. I think I learn and re-learn new things on
an almost daily basis, but that’s the way I like it.
I used to think there were certain things inherently wrong in me, and I
spent a fair amount of time lamenting the facts and circumstances of my
past life which I could not change. In large part when identifying my
own weaknesses, I often deferred to my upbringing and the lessons
taught (or not taught) to me by my parents.
My
parents were loving people, and I never really doubted their caring and
the fact they wanted to do right by me and my siblings. Because of
circumstances in their own lives, they simply were not equipped to meet
all of the challenges associated with raising children. I used to
attribute my shortcomings in life to my parents' shortcomings in
raising me. I figured despite all of my faults I turned out fairly
well, notwithstanding the fact I was raised by loving but somewhat
broken people who were lacking in their own ways and stumbling over
their own hurts and disappointments in life.
Then one day I started really thinking
about that sentiment and how unfair it was to think of someone as
“broken” or “damaged”. After all we are all imperfect works in
progress, so who was I to consider anyone else broken? Broken in
comparison to what or whom? Is there anyone on this planet who is
perfect and unblemished without a single hurt, or aren’t we all walking
around with a few pieces of tattered duct tape holding together our
fragile souls? In essence we could all be considered broken in some
way or fashion. If that is the case, then there truly exists no
perfect ideal with which to compare. If no pristine, untarnished
example exists to demonstrate the perfection, then none of the others
could be considered inferior. Rather, they are all at varying stages
of development all moving toward the same goal.
The fact is I know with all certainty my parents did the best job they
knew how to do, and I would be willing to bet your parents did the best
they knew as well. I don’t think anyone would purposely choose the
opposite of what they know is right and what they know they are capable
of. I think for the most part, we all do the best with what we are
given in all aspects of our lives. The difference is some are given
more early on, while it takes more time for others to catch up.
I realized then it is not that any of us are broken, damaged or
wounded. It would be more accurate to say we are still incomplete and
not yet finished transforming into the magnificent creatures we are
meant to be.
We all learn and develop at different rates. Occasionally we may
choose the wrong path in life or innocently allow ourselves to be
directed inappropriately in a way that sets us back from the goal of
our life. The learning curve may be widened a bit more for a time, but
no matter the detour, it is no reason to consider that it’s “GAME OVER”
for our lives. It might take a little extra effort to right ourselves,
but we can always find a way to get back to where we need to be to
continue learning and growing into who we are meant to be.
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Self Incomplete Humans