Accepting yourself.

The first step in learning acceptance will begin with you.  Just as you cannot learn to love anyone else before you first learn to love yourself, you also must learn true acceptance of yourself and put that into practice before you will be able to transfer that attitude of acceptance to others in your life.  In addition, acceptance is one of the first steps in learning to love.  Love is much more likely to grow and flourish when it is built on a foundation of acceptance.  Think about loving yourself, wholly and completely.  You cannot do that if you are not in a state of acceptance.  If you say, "I love and respect myself" but then you are critical and look for fault in your physical appearance or your personality, you cannot truly be loving yourself . Would you, in the same sentence, tell someone, "I love you, you're fat and stupid, you're wonderful and amazing"?  No.  It's not logical to combine such two strongly opposing attitudes.  It causes your feelings to be out of alignment and disharmonious.  Since disharmony is often a cause of discomfort and difficulty, we should always be striving for harmony and balance in everything we do.

The first thing you must do when learning to accept yourself is to identify what things about yourself which you are currently not accepting.  For some taking this journey, you may already be well aware of the things you have not learned to accept about yourself.  You may be aware of your inner dialogue and the things you say to yourself that create a sense of negativity or disharmony.  For others, this may take some time to learn to identify.  That's alright.  You should take the time you need to become aware.  You can't affect change to something you won't acknowledge, and you can't acknowledge something you are unaware of.

What follows next in this section as well as Part II of the course are a couple of exercises which I hope will help you become more aware of the things you say to and about yourself.  Even if you feel you are already self-aware and familiar with your inner dialogue, I suggest taking the time to complete the exercises anyway.  Even if you don't uncover anything new (which you just might) having these things set down before you in black in white will allow them to become solidified in your mind so you have a better opportunity to fully recognize, acknowledge and then start affecting change.  Also, reviewing these exercises and thinking about how others may relate to these questions just might give you a new sense of awareness so you will have a new understanding and thereby a more accepting spirit towards others now and in the future.

How do you communicate with yourself?

Take some time to think about and then answer these questions. You may need time to answer them fully, as you become aware and make a mental note of what your responses typically are.

 

At what times in your life do you feel most uncomfortable, nervous, or insecure?

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How often do you look at yourself in a mirror?

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What thoughts go through your head when you observe your reflection?

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If you look at your reflection frequently, are you looking for something wrong, checking for imperfections or hairs out of place?

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If you rarely look at your reflection, are you hesitant to observe yourself, or are you simply disinterested?

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What types of self-deprecating thoughts or words do you engage in? Do you tell yourself you're fat, or tell others you're slow, clueless, or in any other way inadequate? Even if you do this in jest, even if it is humorous or part of a joke, think about the things you say to yourself or to others about yourself, and how often you may say things that are shaping an attitude of discontent and non-acceptance of yourself.

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How often do you feel disappointed with yourself?

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When you do something wrong, or fail at your attempts, what is your response to yourself? Do you avoid dwelling on it or thinking about it at all? Are you hard on yourself? Do you get angry or frustrated?

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When you do something really well, do you congratulate yourself and appreciate your own success?

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If yes, do you do this silently, or out-loud?

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If no, what keeps you from doing so? Do you feel it is more appropriate to be modest? Do you feel awkward about praising your own good works or good qualities? Do you think you might seem conceited of full of yourself?

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If yes, do you feel more awkward doing so in front of others or where others might hear you?

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