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Love and Hate Back to Marriage
By LifeAdviceSite.com
The
music swells, the lovers embrace, the screen goes dim and the audience
is assured that all will be well and the two will live happily ever
after.
The End. Sigh.
Unfortunately, we never get to see after the
happily ever after. We don't see the couple get married and how they
argue over who does the dishes or what they should spend their money
on. When we find ourselves doing these things in our own
relationships, we end up feeling somehow inferior and as though our
relationship is not as strong as it could be or should be.
We love our partners. We would not have chosen to spend our lives
together if we did not love them. We love them and we struggle
sometimes to remember that fact even as the words "I hate you" fly to
our minds or worse - to our lips.
I remember when it happened for me, and I was crushed. I believed in
happily ever after and thought everything would work out if we loved
each other and believed in each other. I still believe things work out
when we love and believe in each other (which admittedly takes work
some days), but no one ever told me there would be days we might
actually feel like we hate each other. It was a startling realization.
Then one day I realized something else which again, no one ever told
me. Having a passing moment of hatred does not necessarily mean the
end to a loving relationship.
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On the whole, I am not a hateful person in the slightest. I tend to let most things go rather than waste my time being upset. Love is where it's at for me. I believe the more we can muster the better off the whole world will be. I love my husband passionately and he means the world to me, but following a bumpy start to our lives as newlyweds which included major upheaval in our lives, careers and finances, we just weren't the same. Our relationship had ended up on the back burner, and I felt scorned. Well - you know what they say about a woman scorned... |
Following a few heated arguments I just couldn't seem to keep the words from flying out of my mouth. I wasn't even sorry I said it. I meant it! I can laugh about it now (with some guilt), but back then it felt like the devastation of my world. I spent weeks feeling those terrible feelings before I was able to come out of it and remember who I am and who I married. That's when I found I was sorry, and I felt sick to my stomach I had let myself sink so low and hurt the one I love. I was hurting in my own way, but it was no excuse.
Marriage is no different from any other life circumstance. Sometimes it's great, but some moments really stink until we figure out a way to make it great again. We are taught to be loving and joyful and to take care of each other the best we can, but we don't quite make it some days. Sometimes when things don't work out we do fall apart. Teenagers feel momentary hatred toward their parents. Children feel momentary hatred toward their siblings, and sometimes a normal loving adult can feel passing hatred toward their spouse. It can feel like the end, but it doesn't have to be. When misunderstandings are cleared up and hurt feelings are soothed, eventually it all passes through and can be made right again.
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That's why we're here - to practice being the best humans we can be. Eventually we'll get it right. Until then, we'll just try to button our lips closed when we feel that awful word rising up in our throats. We'll only speak when we have something nice to say like, "I love you."
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Marriage Love and Hate